Barneys New York!

Now, to be honest, there’s no science here. Not even a pseudo-empirical poll. This is straight-up, 100% my opinion.

“Why make such an extreme statement?” you might you ask? Well, let’s examine the backstory and facts:

Like many of you, I like nice things, and I like to spend as little money as possible to obtain them (sales! coupons! etc.). So, like many of you, I joined the email lists for many department stores: Macy’s, Nordstroms, etc…. and Barneys New York.

Mistake.

First, let’s learn a little bit more about Barneys. By checking out their website, we find out that Barneys is:

… a mecca for discerning fashionistas and clothing connoisseurs since 1923.
… a Manhattan institution.
… a blast!
… an emporium of style and gorgeous products.
… a celebrity hangout.

They forgot “a place desperate enough to name-drop Sarah Jessica Parker.” But I digress. (I’ll get hate mail for that, won’t I?)

Now, let’s examine the titles of the emails they bludgeon me to death with:

SHHHH
ZOE – baubles, shiny baubles!
You’re fired!…. LIPSTICK QUEEN!
REVIVE is gonna get you
$ The PURPLE CARD is seriously great!!

All of these are copied EXACTLY as I receive them. I get one of these every day. Perhaps the summer rays are beginning to fry my brain, but in what way are those emails “discerning” or indicative of an institution?

I know the economy is in the trash and all, but annoying people into buying your products? Now that just reeks of desperate. Perhaps they just have an overzealous intern who recently experienced some blunt head trauma, but I’m going to have to give Barneys a general thumbs down for being abrasive as hell. Plus, they have an awful Men’s collection.

-Sagar Deshpande

Photo: from Second City Style