Wire Beer Holders, The Next Generation of Pong?

Back during football season, I was walking down the street after a Michigan game when an older man approached me. He began talking to my friend and I about this product that he was selling: table-less beer pong.

Demonstrating with a couple of lawn wire beer holders (pictured to the right), he explained that if you had twenty of them, you could set them up in beer pong-fashion and then begin playing beer pong without a table, anywhere, anytime (given that you were standing on soft ground).

Now of course, I politely refused this man’s pitch but as I walked away, I kept thinking about his idea and what he said about it. Among other things, he told me to “tell all [my] friends about it,” and assured me “this thing is gonna be huge.” And at first, I could see the benefits of this table-less system. After all, you could use them almost anywhere; BP in the front yard, BP in the backyard,  BP on a desert islands, whatever. And in addition, you would not need to use any tables anymore (unless you wanted to play inside). So yeah, in one sense, the easy and convenient argument holds true.

However, there are also a lot of inherent problems. First of all, we need to consider beer pong rules that would be affected, like bouncing.  Now I have a few friends that are pretty savvy at the surprise bounce-shot, so they would undoubtedly not enjoy switching to a version of BP without it.  The rule about knocking over cups would be useless because each cup would be firmly secured in its holder.

And then the logistics.  In order to set up your rack, you would have to adjust all ten wire-holders so that all the cups are perfectly snug together, and at the same height. That would be quite a pain. Also, the hygiene issue would be extremely problematic. After all, you have to play outside to use these things, and if a shot misses the cups and isn’t quickly caught, there is a 100% chance it is ending up on the ground, in the dirt. And then there’s transportation of almost a dozen twisted metal rods – maybe not quite so convenient.

So maybe these aren’t worth the investment.  Considering that one website prices just four of these beer holders at $25 (making it $125 to buy enough to play BP), whereas a makeshift table can be made out of a piece of plywood and cinderblocks, why would you pay more for something that is less convenient?

BP belongs on a table; that is how it is meant to be played. So ladies and gentlemen, please grab your tables, move them to the center of the party, clear away any surrounding furniture, and enjoy a nice traditional game of beer pong, as it is supposed to be played.

Note: I have no issue with the invention of wire beer holders, I think they can be quite convenient during an outdoor party. I just believe that they are not fit for pong.