Uncharted: Yoko Ono Brings Bad News

In which Tanya never learns what the soundtrack to her gothic sex nightmare will  be

Trust, a.k.a. the band that did not make it to Detroit / Photo: Consequence of Sound

On Monday night, I was invited a number of times to go check out Trust playing at the Magic Stick in Detroit. So I conceded as I tend to do when asked enough times, and, after a brief stop at a juvenile delinquent boys' home, my friend Tanya and I made our way to the venue. We arrived at about 9:20, and proceeded to log our observations over the following hour, at which time, a man resembling Yoko Ono announced that Trust was stuck in Canada, having had issues with their visas. This is the 100% accurate log of what happened over that one hour.


9:20 - Not on the list. MONA. Call onsite contact Robert, Robert doesn't answer, door-lady accepts email as proof and let's us in.

9:22 - "It's ... not crowded" - Tanya, note the room is roped off as to be smaller than the Magic Stick usually is, still not crowded.

9:23 - Tanya wishes she brought ID to drink.

9:24 - Majority of people are drinking PBR in bottles, as noticed by Tanya

9:25 - So many piercings. Do you think we have time to go get pierced before the show starts?

9:27 - Crowd 100% fits the "synth-goth" label, exactly what you would imagine.

9:28 - We go and study the wall of posters / upcoming shows

9:30 - I'm not into stylization, so I spell Trust like that, and not Tr_st

9:30, still - What sounds like a real lady's voice, the opener? We go to the stage, not a real lady

9:31 - Someone in Elizabethan garb arrives [hereafter referred to as Billy Shakes]; Tanya still wants a drink, also thinks the bartender is hot

9:32 - Over in Chicago, our friend Martha tells us Trust came up when her iTunes was on shuffle today.

9:37 - Classic dive bar bathroom; we come up with a book idea, "The Grammar of Graffiti: A Journey of Correction and Self-Discovery," in which we travel around correcting bathroom stall grammar

9:40 - We're not as cool as the other girls in the bathroom, "Bitch I'm different" - Tanya

9:42 - Is this live music I hear? We're still in the bathroom, Tanya is cooling off her foot

9:45 - People leave the venue, presumably coming back

9:46 - There are very real children here, and possibly their dad; also: more people in elaborate clothes - someone wearing a Russian fur hat, someone wearing sunglasses indoors AND at night; Lisbeth Salander arrives

9:49 - Apparently silver face make-up is a thing with this crowd

9:51 - Bartender tells me to tell no one he gave me water, instead, I make a note of it

9:52 - Tanya and I debate definitions and differences between ironic liking and liking ironically

9:54 - Hey, there are Chinese lanterns here

10:00 - No respect for time

10:01 - Spotted: Billy Shakes and Lisbeth hitting it off at the bar

10:02 - The stage! Action on the stage! Yoko Ono brings bad news, explains Trust is stuck in Canada; Billy Shakes screams; Yoko encourages everyone to stick around for opener

10:04 - Jokes are made about Canadians and we leave

10:05 - "But how will I ever know the soundtrack to my gothic sex nightmare?" - Tanya