Sam: With Luna dead, Sam has become a quasi-daddy to her were-daughter. Unfortunately, grandma does not approve of this new arrangement, and, accompanied by Alcide and a seriously overeager Danielle (last week's village hoe, don't you eva 4get her), she fights off Lafayette and Sam to win her baby werewolf back. Meanwhile, another equally enthusiastic, and ultra-sketchy character, Nicole, who asks Sam to publicly "come out" as a shifter earlier in the episode, remains hidden in the dark with her buddies to film the entirety of the supernatural scuffle.
Tara: After defending her one and only Pamela (who continues to act like a huffy little brat,) Tara is writhing in pain from a government-made silver bullet that emits UV light. Once Eric yanks the bullet out of the suffering young vampiress, the crew, Tara, Pam, Eric, and Sophie, come to terms with their reality: the humans are fighting back. They've got weapons, and they're prepared to bite back *cue Governor Burrell's hilariously uncomfortable vampire-inspired hiss*.
Eric: If there's anyone who knows what's in store for the vampires, it's Eric. After his failed attempt at glamouring Burrell, Eric has moved on to prettier, more virginal things, namely, the politician's daughter. Once she removes her glamour-proof contacts, daddy's little angel is "swayed" by the dashing Mr. Northman to invite him into her home. Who else is pumped to see what happens with this story line next week? Also, on a somewhat unrelated note, I completely fell back in love with Eric when he geeked out and pretended to be the representative from the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries. Even whilst wearing glasses and saying things like, "Oh, no problemo," Eric proved to be one "tough f-ing bird."
Arlene + Terry: Lying is always the best policy, especially when the truth goes a little something like, "I'm sorry, Patrick's wife, he's not here right now because he was murdered by a spiteful, blood-thirsty smoke monster." Since all Terry seems capable of doing is positioning his hands in the strangest (albeit hilarious) ways, Arlene takes charge and reminds Maggie that she needs to stay strong for her baby on the way. Plus, she throws in the old tried-and-true adage, "Life is really a shit sandwich sometimes."
Andy: As always, the poor shuck remains clueless. Does he not realize that he'll never have to potty train those little ones? Or change their diapers? He's definitely looking at this whole situation from the wrong angle. They're mutant humans that are basically raising themselves. Speaking of self-sufficiency, here's another point to consider: I sincerely doubt any one of those girls will ever want to go to college. The lucky guy doesn't even have to worry about saving up for their overpriced tuitions! Silly Sheriff, don't you know that you're living the parents' dream?
Sookie: Quick question: when did Sookie get funny? I'd like to think it all began last season when she got rip-roaring drunk and almost did the dirty with Alcide, but that's just me. Anyhoo, Miss Loves-to Take-Long-Strolls-with-Strangers has finally found herself a hunky fairy dude named Ben, who was recently attacked by a hungry vampire. Too bad she has to spend all of her time conjuring up light balls with her royal fairy grandfather instead of macking on him. (Also, a special shout out to Jason. The adorable dude just wants to feel included, but as his grandfather so kindly points out, "the gene skipped… [him]." I still love you, Jason.)
Jessica: This week's award for the most SOL (think about it) character definitely goes to this girl. She has to witness Bill mindlessly drain Veronica, and then, quite literally, she's forced to do her maker's dirty work and bury the poor girl. On top of it all, she's terrified, lonely, and has that touching moment when she prays to Billeth. To anyone out there who wasn't moved by that scene, I have a message for you - may Warlow come for your families next.
Bill: Bill, first of all, is not a god. But he's still creepy as hell. At one point in the episode, Lilleth's lackeys lead him to the middle of some ambiguous, random field where the ancient vampire herself tells him to "trust what he sees." Apparently, he sees the future of the vampire race, from the terrorizing of two baby vamps, to the eventual vampire holocaust that the governor has commissioned. According to Billeth, as for what's in store for the fate of all vampires, "they're all going to burn." Mazel, Bill, you're a prophet.
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