True Blood Recap: Season 6, Episode 5, "F*** the Pain Away"

Image Courtesy of True Blood Online Let's begin with this week's snooze fest. Alcide is still on the hunt for Sam, and his dad is still a jerk. The only interesting were-discovery this week was when Alcide's dad spotted Sam and Nicole at the pay phone. Please, HBO writers, stop writing such compelling story lines.

As for Jason, he reunited with Steve Newlin's crazy ex-wife, Sarah. Following her failed attempt at convincing her current lover, Governor Burrell, to put a ring on it and knock her up, the desperate Sarah awaited Jason's arrival on his doorstep. Claiming she felt "holy" when she was with Jason, Sarah bluntly stated to the strapping young cop/vampire slayer, "I truly believe God wants me to f*** you." Sadly, Sanctimonious Sarah (I told you I was making this monicker a thing) did not approve of vampire Jess's presence in Mr. Stackhouse's home, and she alerted the LAVTF immediately. Shortly before the police's arrival, Sarah and Jess had a bit of a scuffle, and just as things began to really escalate, Sarah rescinded Jessica's invitation from Jason's home and had the redheaded beauty escorted, in a rather hostile manner, off the premises.

Speaking of Jess, frankly put, she's high as balls throughout the entire episode. Turns out, fairy blood is to vampires as vampire blood is to humans. There's your SAT analogy for the day. After draining Andy's baby girls, Jess leaps onto Billeth and does her best to kiss him. Bill is not impressed. Then, for the rest of the episode, including her brief and violent visit at Jason's, Jess convinces herself that the devil is all around. Is she the devil? Is Bill the devil? Doesn't Jess realize that her adverse reaction to fairy blood is an everyday occurrence in college? Girl needs to make some 20-something friends to calm her down during her high.

Still, Jess didn't complete destroy everything for Billeth and herself. In fact, her shoddy draining skills yielded a particularly tender moment in which Andy Bellefleur wept for his little fairies and eventually discovered that one of his baby girls was still breathing. After bringing her to his office, Andy, a former V addict, fed his remaining daughter vampire blood. Although this action could have some serious repercussions for the sheriff, he's a daddy now, and what matters to him most, like any good dad, is taking care of his babies. And as this episode showed us, he'll do whatever it takes.

Unfortunately, as per usual on True Blood, Terry Bellefleur is a total wreck. Despite Arlene's attempt at intercepting his conversation with his old Marine Corps buddy, Justin, Terry managed to ask Justin to kill him within the next few days. That is, as soon as he gets his affairs in order. And naturally, Terry asked that the murder, or rather, mercy killing, be a surprise. Seriously, what is this story line? Did Alcide and Terry conspire to create the most unnecessary scenes of the week?

Since we're on the topic of unnecessary, why did Sookie's dad have to possess Lafayette after the two summoned her parents in her dining room? Seriously, now Lafayette, a.k.a. Mr. Stackhouse, is trying to prevent Warlow from owning his daughter by trying to drown her…AGAIN. Everything would have been so much easier if Sookie had just given in to Warlow and believed him when he told her that her parents were feeling homicidal on the night they died. He's your savior, Sook, not the enemy. I feel like I'm turning into the person who yells at the screen in the movie theater, but whatever. Sookie needs to blast Lafayette with some of her fairy light and call it a day.

More on Benlow? He hates being a vampire, and he even tried to kill Lilleth. But more importantly, I think that Warlow and Lilleth's sex scene back in 3500 B.C. is worth mentioning. First off, the girl essentially forced him to have intercourse with her. Was anyone else extremely uncomfortable during that scene? Second of all, going back to Warlow's fairy village; did the costume design team even try with this one? I mean, those wigs are atrocious. Still, campiness aside, it was nice to get a glimpse into Warlow's past and see the little and frightened Grandpa Niall before his transformation into the fearless fairy king.

Alright, last but not least, vampire camp. It's where Steve Newlin pulled a classic Steve move and betrayed his own kind for the upper hand. It's where Willa will possibly be forced to perform sexual favors for the guards. It's where Jess and Tara had a run-in with the lady prison's HBIC. It's where Eric dominated in a weird game of catch-the-ball-and-beat-the-other-vampires-in-a-weird-white-space-so-that-you-don't-get-shot. It's also the place where Pam, being the awesome character that she is, began to shine yet again. Thanks to Pam, we saw what kinds of experiments were happening within the facility. High-speed fornicating, hamster wheel tests, fang extractions, the works. Then there's Pam, who was forced to chat with the prison's therapist. Although reluctant at first, Pam eventually enjoyed divulging her feelings and information about the vampire world. Yet much to everyone's dismay, the bastard used her intel against her. At the end of the episode, Pam encountered Eric, her maker who released her in the previous episode, the man about whom she claimed to no longer give a you-know-what during her therapy session. In the same setting as the bouncy ball games, Eric and Pam are going to be forced to fight one another, possibly to the death (though hopefully not), in the next episode; and frankly, I hope they kill Burrell instead.

True Blood airs every Sunday night at 9 p.m. EST on HBO. Tune in next week to see what SHEI has to say about Episode 6, “Don't You Feel Me?”